Inside Her Mind

She watched the wave as it drew closer to her

Instead of fighting the wave of depression

Like she had done many many times before

Often becoming more tired in the process

She let the colossal tide wash over her body

It shoved her down into the  empty abyss mercilessly

Her eyes remained open as she watched herself become less motivated to live

She let herself sink repeating that she couldn’t swim

Convincing herself that she would have lost anyway

She  wouldn’t have lived anyway

She continued on like that everyday

Making up constant excuses to her elders

Knowing that their dissappoinment in her would be short-lived

Just like she wished to be

Her friends were used to her longings for death

She grew tired of living

Breathing became annoying

She grew tired of eating

She hated the thought of having liquids run down her throat

All she could do was sleep

Sleep longer so that days and years could zoom past her

Her lips grew chapped as she stared at nothing

The nothingness she had become

The value of her presence had become worthless

The words that used to fill her ears when she was younger

Rose like tiny soldiers drowning out anything else she thought of that day

Worthless

Pathetic

Stupid

Piece of sh**

It always remained with her

Etched into her brain and tattooed on her skin

So when she actually did look at those words were cut into her skin like nasty scars

All along her face and neck

She was used to being skinny

Having her ribs be visible and having her belly sink into her body as if she were already decaying

But now that she ate more often, her stomach protruded from her waist

Her ribs were tucked underneath the layers of fats she consumed

She couldn’t tell if she was finally normal sized or if she had become overweight in a short span of time

She couldn’t cry anymore

There was nothing left in her heart

She grew tired of everything around her

She knew she couldn’t be here anymore

She no longer wanted to cling to this existence

She didn’t care anymore

She would just let herself sink lower into the ocean

Letting her soul be crushed once more ignoring the dull ache that came with her existence

© duendeyugen All Rights Reserved 2017

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